So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
