to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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