i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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