It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize