Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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