is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
