you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
