Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize