I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
