oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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