I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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