Non-Jews are for practice
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
