It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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