I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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