My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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