OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
