Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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