I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
