is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
