we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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