Where did you get a picture of my penis
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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