you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
