If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
