it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm both gender and math confused
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
