I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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