my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
