so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
