I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
