that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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