At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
