I think im going to throw up on grandma
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
