The maid of honor just puked.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
