You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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