How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize