i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
