My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
