My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
