I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
