Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
