You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
