I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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