It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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