dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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