i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
