So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
