I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
