just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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