So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
