Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
