Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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