May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
