I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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