I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
