you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
