Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
