dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I checked into jail on foursquare
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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