My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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