meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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