im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
