I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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