sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
