SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
