im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
