i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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