You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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