I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
