We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
