ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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