i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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