He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I didn't notice because vodka
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
