You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
