He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
is it fun? or sober?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
