Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
honey bunches of taint.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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