I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
