You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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