Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
