just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Damn victory sex feels great
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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