Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
