The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
