I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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