My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
