Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
